I completely agree with you. One can see that your mom can make her own “man” with just enough obsession he’ll be the next Superman —to fight for women. Can’t make a super-Man with a girl. It’s tragic. I can imagine your story. I too was not loved by my mom in a single parent household. I was a latchkey kid because the misfortunes that fell on my mom rolled down to the rest of our hill. I skipped home caused I’d get accused for being like my father… the guy I never met. And I guess… it was art that saved my sanity. And with it have built a fantastic imaginary escape room. Oh, the places I’ve been! But of course it’s all in my head… plenty of work all the time. Creating it feverishly now then get burnt out. And I always worried that there’s no time to do any of it.
Hello, Julius--I love what you say here, but I disgree about not being able to make a super-Man with a girl. I became a super-Man at a very young age. If you could ask my mother, she would agree. I may not have been her favorite, but I was her hero (in the end). I am so glad that art saved your sanity!!! Mine too!!!
This one hit home as no other. Only difference is that my story is with my older cousin who lived downstairs.
She liked to stay inside and read, and read; I was the tomboy. She wore fluffy, lacy dresses. I wore my brother's hand me ups. She was the high school valedictorian and my mother expected me to follow in her steps. I did not but I tried my hardest. She went to a great college. I went to a good college. My mother was disappointed. I thought that would be the end but then I heard: " Jill just got her masters degree. Her parents are so proud". I got not one, but two masters degrees thinking that would do the trick. It did not. Yes, you guessed it. Jill earned a doctorate. I hated school, really hated everything about it. But I figured this would be it, the end. So off i went and struggled miserably through a difficult doctoral program. You guessed it. Still not enough. Jill married a rich, successful man. I thought he was a condescending braggard. I realized that my cousin was not one to be emulated to please my mother. I married a kind, loving man with whom I was very happy until his death. It took me a while but I finally moved from under the shadows of a false profit.
As you know, I am still a tomboy and still stay away from fruit dresses.
Thank you for opening my eyes, Cat. I learned a valuable lesson. Both of our mother's were very very wrong.
Learning how to struggle, accept feedback, endure rejection - especially from a parent - all tools for learning how to compete with only ourselves, navigate unwelcoming spaces and work to fulfill our potential meaningfully. Brava for your inner compass and courage. And for sharing so graciously.
I completely agree with you. One can see that your mom can make her own “man” with just enough obsession he’ll be the next Superman —to fight for women. Can’t make a super-Man with a girl. It’s tragic. I can imagine your story. I too was not loved by my mom in a single parent household. I was a latchkey kid because the misfortunes that fell on my mom rolled down to the rest of our hill. I skipped home caused I’d get accused for being like my father… the guy I never met. And I guess… it was art that saved my sanity. And with it have built a fantastic imaginary escape room. Oh, the places I’ve been! But of course it’s all in my head… plenty of work all the time. Creating it feverishly now then get burnt out. And I always worried that there’s no time to do any of it.
Hello, Julius--I love what you say here, but I disgree about not being able to make a super-Man with a girl. I became a super-Man at a very young age. If you could ask my mother, she would agree. I may not have been her favorite, but I was her hero (in the end). I am so glad that art saved your sanity!!! Mine too!!!
Aaaahhh, but of course —-the child growing beyond their parent’s expectations and becoming the unexpected.
This is so touching and powerful, Jamie! xx
Ha! Making lemon liqueur from lemons! Brava, Jamie!
Thank you, David! Lemoncello!!! xo
Hi Cat,
This one hit home as no other. Only difference is that my story is with my older cousin who lived downstairs.
She liked to stay inside and read, and read; I was the tomboy. She wore fluffy, lacy dresses. I wore my brother's hand me ups. She was the high school valedictorian and my mother expected me to follow in her steps. I did not but I tried my hardest. She went to a great college. I went to a good college. My mother was disappointed. I thought that would be the end but then I heard: " Jill just got her masters degree. Her parents are so proud". I got not one, but two masters degrees thinking that would do the trick. It did not. Yes, you guessed it. Jill earned a doctorate. I hated school, really hated everything about it. But I figured this would be it, the end. So off i went and struggled miserably through a difficult doctoral program. You guessed it. Still not enough. Jill married a rich, successful man. I thought he was a condescending braggard. I realized that my cousin was not one to be emulated to please my mother. I married a kind, loving man with whom I was very happy until his death. It took me a while but I finally moved from under the shadows of a false profit.
As you know, I am still a tomboy and still stay away from fruit dresses.
Thank you for opening my eyes, Cat. I learned a valuable lesson. Both of our mother's were very very wrong.
Sandy
Ah, thank you, Sandy! Yes, I can tell you're eyes are open!!!
I can so identify with what you had to say today except that I didn’t have near the accomplishments that you have made in your life.
Linda--you are so kind. YOU re accomplished in your own way!! xo
Well said as ALWAYS :’)
Thank you, Caroline!
I just posted the beginning of a short story (in three parts) that you might find relevant...
Learning how to struggle, accept feedback, endure rejection - especially from a parent - all tools for learning how to compete with only ourselves, navigate unwelcoming spaces and work to fulfill our potential meaningfully. Brava for your inner compass and courage. And for sharing so graciously.